.Sunday, September 26, 2010 ' 4:10 AM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
i wonder why i still feel upset when my ex crush ignores me
its like i am the person who noes him best yet he sits with other gals
who boss him around
i dun like it...when i needed my friend he was not there
he ignored me and he does not give a shit bout me so why do i care?
punjabi school suxx n so o the people in it
coke exploded all over me!
man i felt damn sticky after that
hahhaa....
saturday evening was awesome went to swensens with my family
had an awesome time
so monday is my sisters sweet 16 n i cannot wait to bash her up hahah!
sunday is sooooo boring!!I FEEL SO DEPRESSED!
my parents are pmsing like crazy n i jus cannot be bothered
okay soo my chin actually has started toking to me
but i dun feel the same
its like although now that he is my friend again..i dun feel committed
i am supossed to be feeling damn happy n all tat but yeah i am not
friends say its cos he hurt me way too much
and now all i feel is numbness
i can;t breathe rite without experiencing a sharp pain in my heart
that does not allow me to sleep or do anything
i feel so miserable
i miss my gaga! i wished i cud transform into someone close to him
or jus go invisble
i really miss him n the way we used to argue on the smallest things
my life is getting more fucked up then before!
some fucked up gal jus cannot stop showing attitude i mean its like
u r not tha goddamn boss n stop leaning on me! cos i noe i am fat n soft
unlike u miss bones! i want to tell u all this on ur face n u noe i am capable of doing so but i won't cos i dun want to hurt u!
i dun want u to cry n attract attention from everyone else
i dun wanna be the bad perosn but u noe wad
being the bad person is smth i have done my whole life
people jus love to put the blame on me!
i cnanot believe how much i am actually thrashing my feelings here
but i really cannot take all this crap anymore
its beyond tolerance
my heart feels so heavy n hurt dat i cannot even think or do anything that makes me happy
WHY WHY WHY?
i wonder why people who have everything gets the most n people like me...who dun have anything and yet keep loosin everythin...
gaga was all i had other than my friends
i lost him but i really thankk god i still have my awesome gals with me...
i miss my gaga so much
i noe i sound like a crybaby
but i dun care.....it was like he was my pain buddy
we wud share our probs n now its like he hates me!
WHY the fuck? cos i like him?
i dun noe i have so many questions in me n yet no answers!
i feel like jus murdering myself
so i dun hurt myself or anyone else..
i jus dun wanna feel this numb feeling anymore
i dun wanna be sad when i am happy..
i jus want to be me...n i can't even do that cos
i have lost myself in this darkness n i cannot find a way out...
